everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
