he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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