I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
