so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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