If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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