She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
