I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
