So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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