TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
