somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
