I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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