I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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