It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
