Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
