Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
