It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
