Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
