I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
