You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize