i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
