Soap is not a condiment
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
