guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
