I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
