we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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