when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
