grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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