What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
