What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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