i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
