haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
