She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
