i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
