I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
