Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
