I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
