Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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