I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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