Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
