Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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