i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize