I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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