I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
