you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
