i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
