How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
