the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
