How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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