brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
