Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
