i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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