you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize