nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
