I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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