there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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