I seem to have left my pride at pride
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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