did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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