i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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