I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
