Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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