I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
