I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
