I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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