shes about as inviting as chlamydia
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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