it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
