OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
either way he was missing a nipple.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
