Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize