my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
