we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
