I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
