Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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