My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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