I love black thongs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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