So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
