why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize