I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love you.
Bad choice
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