My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
