textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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