Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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