Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
