Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
