He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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