just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
