Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
