The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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