my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
