i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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