They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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