You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
