They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
