she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
