I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
