dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize