So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
