Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
