So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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